Standing on pristine white sands.. with waves gently washing my feet, a clear sky in front with a few stray clouds – just enough to catch the hues of the setting sun.. a brilliant sunset painting the sky in molten gold, crimson and indigo as it gets dark.. Sharing a sunset on the Gulf of Mexico with my loved ones. everything tangible. everything perfect. Yet, I blink my eyes a few times, hold my breath, and ask myself. “Is this real.. am I this lucky to be part of this beauty” ? It is such a surreal feeling that I do not even feel my existence. As if I have merged into the moment.
Expectations, desires unfulfilled… feeling of inadequacy… a sense of helplessness and not having things under control.. everything intangible. Everything in the head. Yet it feels so concrete. I can feel every cell of my body cringing. The air is so dark and heavy. I can feel every breath going in. I do not for once question the event, the person, the feeling. It is almost as if fate has been stamped and sealed at that moment.
Have you ever noticed how good times seem like illusions, whereas bad times seem so real. It is the tendency of the mind to doubt the positive. When we are happy, we question our happiness. “Am I really happy ?”. But when we are sad, dare anyone question it ! “Of course I am sad? Do you have any doubt about it?”. In fact, the doubt does not even arise. We know for sure, that we are, truly, and deeply sad.
The truth however is, everything is an illusion. Here today, gone tomorrow. People, places, events, feelings. Nothing lasts forever. We just carry impressions in our being, “oh how I liked that experience” “oh how I hated that experience”
Cravings, and aversions.
When people forget the bad parts, they long for the good experiences again and again.
When people cannot forget the bad parts, they wish that it never happens to them again.
Both of these cause us to come back to the circle of life, again and again… either the desire to be free, or the desire to be born again. In either case, we are going to come back..
Tricky… what is the escape route then ? Wait – the desire to escape is the biggest trap !
I guess the trick is just to realize, that it is all an illusion in any case. So what if we come back. So what if we are here now. So what if it feels great. So what if it does not. This too shall pass. The movie will end. The lights will come on. The credits will be over. We will get up from our seats, and get going. Between one movie show and the next, there will be a period of rest, of nothingness, of void. We will throw our 3D glasses into the recycle bin, and come out. No matter how enticing the movie is, it has to end. And another one will start. Our job is to sit back, relax and just be a witness. To the varying shades of illusions..